I've been crying and crying for the last days now, I didn't know that humans could have so much liquid around a pair of eyeballs. My grandmom is on her last days now. She's been sick for so many months, and now she's soon to die, we're sure. I haven't seen her, because she lives far away, but my mom is with her at the moment, and the rest of her family.
At least my grandmom has accepted that she's to die, but she's suffering so much these last weeks/days, she's almost not mentally present. I just want her to die now, so that she doesn't have to suffer any more and live her last days with such lack of dignity.
I am not looking forward to the funural, which will take place soon, it all depends on when she will die. So I will be gone for a little while... probably within the next week(s). I hate... hate funerals. I am just thinking of seeing my mother's face, how much it's gotta hurt to loose a mother like that. I can't imagine it, I don't want to imagine it.
I spoke to my father over the phone recently, and I couldn't stop crying. I just hate this waiting. I hate waiting every hour of every day, just waiting for the phone to ring and say that she's dead. I just want it to be over with, quickly.
I don't believe that there is an afterlife for her. I don't believe in a God or a Heaven. Perhaps, in situations like this, I will hope that there is - but I still don't believe it. If there actually is some sort of afterlife, I hope she will finally be reunited with my grandpa, who died over a decade ago.
She's such a strong and brave lady.[Edit]
My grandmother died this night, about 1 am, the 28th of April 2009.